My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
