I want to walk on stilts...naked
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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