I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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