remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
