y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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