I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
