thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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