She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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