Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
