Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
