jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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