So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
