You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
