What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
