theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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