i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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