just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she smelled like a LAN party
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
