there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
