I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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