She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
