What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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