Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
