Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
