were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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