Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
