We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
