You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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