This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
