singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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