I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize