after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
