Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
