and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
