Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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