The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
