can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize