I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
