it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
