Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
