..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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