***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it because I queefed?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize