Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
