He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
