So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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