We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found the puke drawer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
