I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
