Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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