I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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