the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
