So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
