there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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