i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
