you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
