WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please come you make the beer taste better
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize