Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
