There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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