WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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