we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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