I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
