Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
