chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
