she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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