Your mouth is God's brothel.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
