you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
