I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
